Perhaps one of the hardest challenges an individual faces when providing care and support for those who are seriously ill is in finding words that bring comfort and encouragement. In fact, the fear of not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing often lead people to distance themselves from those who need them most. We want to help and provide support, but we don’t know what to do or how to express the things within our heart. One may even feel powerless to really help at all! In a strange way, the feeling of powerlessness may be the source of our greatest support and the most important thing we have to offer another. The Ministry of Presence, or, to simply be with another is often the most sought after, yet rarely given gift one can provide to the distraught. Author Douglas Smith provides this powerful reflection on the power of presence:

Help me to remember that there is little I need to say and a lot I need to hear.
Help me to remember that I have little to teach and a lot to learn.
Help me to remember that sometimes the most important thing I can give is
simply my presence, and sometimes nothing more is even wanted.
Help me to remember that all my education, all my training, and all my
experience must always be secondary to my simple presence.
Help me to remember that I must accept and reaccept and reaccept and
reaccept the uniqueness of the individual before me.
Help me to remember that I am not here for me: I am here for another.

(Douglas Smith: The Complete Book of Counseling the Dying and the Grieving; 268)

When you work at hospice, you get mixed responses when people ask what you do for a living. However the most common response is “I could never do that.” That may be true for some people but I think there is a greater truth unveiled when you work with people near the end of their lives. As I spoke to a caregiver and family member on the phone recently, she was able to verbalize the feelings I have when thinking upon my work with hospice. She talked about never wanting to be a caregiver and finding most of the included duties to be disgusting…that is before she took part in providing care 24 hours a day before a loved one’s death. Her reaction after she found herself scrubbing dentures, rubbing feet, and cleaning all body parts was that it was “an honor.” And it is! It is an honor to serve someone by being present as they travel the last part of their journey on earth and to find ways to make them more comfortable physically, spiritually and emotionally. So when I think about this special position I have at Klamath Hospice, all the families I get to meet, and all that I learn, it is a great honor and privilege.